Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Driving, or something like it

I suspect my husband has taken out a huge life insurance policy in my name. I was in Delhi recently, and he just wouldn't let off insisting that I practice driving there. Seriously, what other purpose besides dying can driving in Delhi possibly serve?

Anyway, under the influence of the intoxicating chemicals in Delhi's air, I agreed to his idea. Delhi air can do that you. Consider what prolonged exposure has done to Delhiites: they actually believe what they do on roads with their cars can be labeled driving. [driving! seriously! Next they'll tell me what Rakhi Sawant does in movies is acting.]

Likewise, my dad's been living in Delhi for donkey's years, and finds it a welcome prospect that I will wreck his car [something he's been trying to achieve since exactly donkey's years].

Anyway, so it is that I ended up in a refresher driving course, to fortify my skills as someone who hasn't driven here in a while. And if you fall in the same category, here are the Golden Rules:

1. Red lights are the signal for inching forward
2. Green lights signal that the race has begun
3. Orange lights are green lights in disguise
4. Speed limits are a challenge to be beaten
5. Using side mirrors is dangerous as they may get ripped off by cars overtaking you
6. Parking is a fundamental human right which can be exercised any where, any time, any how
7. Horning is not only a mandatory greeting but also responsible driving, alerting the obviously blind drivers on the road to your presence
8. Only losers give way
9. One-way road signs need to be followed only by foreigners, learners and possibly women who cannot handle the pressure two-way traffic on a single lane road
10. You can drive on roads, footpaths, dirt tracks; you can drive forward, reverse, or laterally; but for God's sake, Don't even think about approaching the Naraina "soon to become flyover" highway or your corpse will rot waiting for the jam to clear!

Happy driving!


Soul Kitchen said...

wow..you were in delhi...we should have met. Any chance you will be around the mega reunion of Springdales in Dec?

split_infinitive said...

A friend of mine asked me - "dude, you've got such an awesome computer, why don't you play games?"... I said.. "dude, I drive for 35 km a day - I get all the gaming action I need from that"...

Seriously its not much better here in Hyd. Except for one absolutely awesome fact about Delhi driving - there you can get shot for overtaking - as happened to a colleague of mine.

Gypsy Girl said...

Add this: In Mumbai drivers believe that honking at a red signal miraculously turns it to green!!And the longer you keep at it, the faster the signal changes!

Ekta said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ekta said...

i so relate to it...my worse nightmare till date is to get back on wheels!!
I hated learning and trying it even in india and I know I will end up in jail for knocking atleast one poor soul over if I ever try it again!!