Sunday, August 12, 2007

Some men think women shop seven days a week, Ha! Shows how little they know! I am a woman and I shop only six days a week (excluding weekends). Let me calculate - yesterday I bought a bag, day before I bought another bag, day before that I tried a dress that made me look paunchy - which (for a change) I realized before I'd bought it for myself, so I bought it for my sister instead, and the day before that I do not remember, but hopefully it was as productive as yesterday. Today is the Sabbath Day so I shall rest from shopping (not that I am a Christian, but my husband's terrified looks invoke a pitying Christian in me today and I relent.)

If someone were to ask me why women shop so much more than men, I'd point them to research. I'd point them to the fact that women in the work force are discriminated against. They are generally shunted into lesser paying jobs, and for the same job they are paid lesser than men.

How does earning less make you spend more? Elementary: Take me for example. When I earned well as an investment banker, I saved so much money. For one, I had time to splurge only on the weekend in which I also had to catch up on sleep. And when I did venture out to shop, I had the company of well-heeled colleagues who I could not buy street-side watches called RoleK with. I realized good pay and debauchery just do not go together for women. I needed to join conversations about buying shares, and renting bigger rooms, saving for cars, etc - and as I was uninterested in aiming green paper at bosoms in dance bars, I had no choice but to save.

But now that I am a lowly paid, seldom-working journalist, the possibilities are endless. The piddly amount I earn is pocket money, so I spend it in the spirit of pocket money. I have bought several RoleKs. I have spent a whole month's salary on an original movie poster. I often buy heels on credit card in anticipation of a payment yet to arrive. I live on debt, I assume payments will clear: yes, I live the American dream.

p.s. Of course, women buy more only in quantity, not value. Men and their bluetooths and i-pods and unopened gadget boxes cover women and their Blahniks many times over.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

The last laugh

Vipul thinks every thing's about him. He's so wrong. Every thing's about me.

When I give him a hard time, with my outbursts or my silences, as the case may be, it is not because he's done something wrong, but just because it comes naturally to me. I have the innate ability to ask the wrong questions, and I like to use it.

Do you love me more or cricket?
Then why do you want me to stop standing in front of the TV?
Would you suggest that if I were Angelina Jolie?
Or if I was Bipasha Basu?
Or if I was Madhubala?
Or if I... c'mon do you actually believe the begging pose will work?
Why don't you answer? You don't like talking to me?
If you prefer Tendulkar why didn't you marry HIM?
Why did I marry you?
...It's unstoppable - just as Einstein's genius could not be kept in check by his low grades and a clerk's job, my capability to screw my husband (no pun intended) is beyond redress.

Now I know, you will say that North Korea should not go off exploding N-bombs just because it can, and likewise maybe I should try keep my trap shut for a bit. But then, you don't know how much training I had to give my husband. Eight years ago he saw my midriff in a tight tee-shirt and sniggered: Tyres look good only on vehicles HaHaHaHaHaHaHa. Today he has evolved into someone who lands up at the airport with roses to receive me and notices my shades of tan.

Guns have there uses.
Revenge has a long life.