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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Sounds like a plan

So many words have lost their identity in today's lingo. 'Gay' has given up all its happiness to become a pain in the ass. 'Babe' has transformed itself, probably all thanks to pedophiles, into someone fetching. 'Bitch' the dog has turned vicious and 'Stud' the horse has acquired attraction while 'cuckoo' the bird has lost its mind.

But the most disconcerting, for us women at least, has been the demise of the meaning of healthy. Once upon a time, it meant glowing skin and white teeth and stamina and all things beautifully normal. Nowadays its usage is limited to the following conversation:
"Do I look fat?"
"Oh No Darling, you are only healthy"
"(sound of bobbitisation) "

Of course, I am not complaining here because I happen to be "healthy". I am no such thing. Sure, like all women in the world, I may have sometimes suspiciously wondered whether the man who vacated the seat for me in the bus did so because he thought that I was pregnant. But those were just unfounded concerns (My husband assures me).

Unfortunately, it is no longer enough to be unfat. Have you seen the influx of the new breed of 6-packs in the music videos? Nelly Furtado, Pussycat Dolls, Fergie, ... I cannot dismiss away these new midriffs as an unattractive illness as I did for the anorexic chics. And I'm turning increasingly distraught: how do I ignore fight this toned old-fashioned-healthy?

Honestly, this world is getting too small to fit Beyonce with abs and Me without. I guess I should join a gym.

Or even better, I should just stop seeing Channel [V].

Sunday, February 18, 2007

I don't know if it's a delhi thing, but we never used to serve guests water in our home. We'd offer cold drinks, juices, lemonade, mango panna, rooh afza, anything - but water. The feeling went that something so flavourless, colourless, and fragrance-free as water made it simply unfit to serve, why the guest could even be offended!

The result is that I and my sister, much to the disconcertedness of our respective husbands, have grown up to become nearly camels. Like the animal, we go without the fluid for long time - sometimes days - but unlike it, we have no ritual to store it in our body in advance. I know, I know - I ought to be having 10 glasses a day, and after years of lectures I have improved a lot by now. Still, I try to get away with the substitutes as much as possible - warm water, honey/lemon water, flavoured tea water, salted water, anything - but plain water.

Am now wondering if living in a high humidity place can excuse me from drinking it. Can't I just inhale it and get it over with?