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Friday, June 16, 2006

Ghosts

Today is dedicated to the reading my old diaries. To the hundreds of good looking guys that littered Delhi's streets when I was young and hormoneful. To the thousands of times I fell in love with at first glance, and out of love two weeks later. To the mllions of times I felt that it was the best day of my life.

It's just that I am unpacking my bags for my new house. And in the middle of the mess is my box of memories - useless stuff such as old movie tickets, college rock show entrance cards, school uniform remains, pages from diaries - useless stuff, yet priceless... all souveniers of a time when I was really alive. When everything, just everything, mattered. When every smile could be dissected into a thousand meanings ('He likes Me!', 'How dare he sneer!'. 'I am super duper funny!', or as was most often, 'He is so Sweeeeeet!') Yes, every feeling had an exclamation mark, every mood was heady, and there was nothing that inspired nothing. Life was a Bollywood movie. An inconsequential Helen-Sridevi-Jeetendra movie maybe, but a movie nevertheless.

Here's a scrap of something I then wrote:

Speak those words
that your eyes say
everytime you look at me
After all,
it is just a metter a time
before you cease to look at me
and I cease to understand your silence

Coz that's what always happens -
Things end.

So say something,
coz words I can remember
and words can soothe,
but memories blur and fade away,
and tomorrow I will not believe
in what I think I saw today


Interesting in hindsight, (and enchanting when you are living them), how chemicals irridescently colour our world. And funny even how "adolescence is the most difficult period of your life" according to my mom, but it is the most beautiful. So wonderfully exaggerated, so brimming with emotion.

I would gladly live that madness again.

4 comments:

babblezone said...

Anu,

:) Its a really nice one. Makes me want to cry though.

Met someone I studied with for dinner yesterday and fell into a comfortable conversation like the 6 yrs in between (of no contact) hardly had any consequence.

Started reminiscing on the way back what heady old days those were... exactly as you put it.

No worries abt where the next job/ rent / promotion is going to come from :) not realistically anyway!

Smiled thinking of all that and frankly would give a lot to go back to that life for a few days :)

So save up those snippets from the past gurl.

I think I even remember reading that poem you wrote. It was written on a sheet of paper (if I recall) and we were basking in that half sun / half shade patch of grass as we usually did and chatting about our sure loves of that day ;)

Makes me smile - on a monday. What powerful memories.

Big hug,
N

Gurdeepak said...

Reminisce galore!

Amy said...

Your poem is beautiful! I too have so many diaries that i read over and over again and i laugh at the stuff i used to worry over. And it's true, the teenage years are a complete exaggeration, but they're fun and happy and exciting! I used to know this boy that i talked to a few times at the bus stop and i used to rush to the bathroom before i went to catch the bus just in case he happenned to turn up that day! So silly, he was like 8 years older than me but i thought he was the most beautiful person ever! Now he is just ink in one of my diaries! Funny huh? I really like your blog! It's awesome!

Sreekumar said...

Are you sure that we can get over adolscence? I guess you have to, otherwise you would be considered sick. I guess thats the only reason that I have to get over it...cos I dont have that excuse with me anymore.

Nice blog...its certainly alive and kicking!